Who’s Coming to Thanksgiving… Anxiety? Fear?
8 Ways to Handle Your Unwanted Holiday “Guests”
Thanksgiving is around the corner, but many of us feel far from thankful to be heading into another holiday season. In fact, the holidays are one of the most anxiety-inducing, depressing times of year when we already have a lot on our plate.
If you don’t feel like “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”, you’re not alone.
“According to a recent survey, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that approximately 24% of people with a diagnosed mental illness find that the holidays make their condition “a lot” worse and 40% “somewhat” worse… Approximately 755 of overall respondents reported that the holidays contribute to feeling sad or dissatisfied and 68% financially strained. 66% have experienced loneliness, 63% too much pressure and 57% unrealistic expectations. 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones.”
But there’s good news. Our unwanted emotional “guests” don’t have to overstay their welcome. Here are 8 ways to handle difficult emotional patterns and take back your joy during the holiday season.
1. When the time change (and seasonal changes) wear you down, try light therapy.
The time change disrupts our rest and shortens daylight hours, and the colder weather can bring many of us down, too. If you need to alleviate the holiday blues or better cope with Seasonal Affective Disorder, a light therapy lamp may help. Along with making seasonal transitions easier, research shows light therapy lamps may help with focus, mood, energy, and improved sleep.
2. When family dynamics get sticky, try setting boundaries.
Holidays often mean gathering with the family we grew up with, and it’s amazing how quickly those not-so-great family dynamics can click back into place. Maybe the only child carries the weight of lots of expectations, or none at all. Maybe the oldest is expected to take control and handle everything. Maybe the middle child is wondering if they’re being heard. Whatever your “role” in your family, you don’t have to accept what you’ve outgrown.
Thinking through what’s okay with you, and setting boundaries to avoid what’s not, can go a long way toward easing the tension that can spring up around the Thanksgiving table. It can be as simple as, “Let’s not comment on what others are eating anymore” or, “I’d rather not make a huge dinner this year, can we do potluck-style?” Sure, it might raise some eyebrows at first. But many relationships smooth back out after a brief adjustment period. Want to read up? I highly recommend The Three Chairs by Dr Karyn Gordon.
3. When you get triggered, find your glimmers:
We all know what a trigger is—anything that triggers or “sets off” dysregulation in our nervous system—but what about a glimmer? I love the way the Newport Institute puts it, “Glimmers are tiny micro-moments of joy—fleeting, everyday moments that elicit a rush of happiness, gratitude, calm, peace, safety, or goodwill.”
Glimmers help calm the nervous system, getting us back to a state of relaxation and regulation. Listening to a favorite song, seeing a smile, taking a walk, playing with your pet, getting/giving a hug, singing, dancing, talking with a friend, feeling sun on your face, reading a good book, looking at a beautiful scenery… Any of these little things can kickstart your emotional recovery when Thanksgiving stress throws you for a loop.
4. To avoid feeling poorly, keep your body balanced.
It’s easy to use the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, as an excuse to “go rogue” with nutrition. I’ve done it oh-so- many times. It tastes sooo good going down. All that yumminess, and all those dopamine hits: it’s all spectacular. That is, until the post-indulgence inflammation and irritation set in. Without a plan, holiday meals can go from, “What should I have next?” to “What the hell did I just do?” a lot quicker than we’d like.
Planning ahead helps. Having a protein shake or Fat Bomb before the big meal can help you avoid starting the day salivating like a Saint Bernard and ending like a Puffer Fish.The same goes for our emotional relationship with food. Acknowledging what may come up because of what we eat, what we don’t eat, or how much we eat, can help us plan to be kinder and gentler with ourselves.
Me Before Thanksgiving Dinner:
Me 20 Minutes Later:
5. If you’re tempted to overspend, set some limits.
It feels scary to admit, “I can’t afford that”, especially when we enjoy showing our love for others by gift-giving. But without some limits, we can get stuck in a cycle of self-resentment that’s difficult to break. Spending is another area where setting boundaries helps us do what we enjoy without sacrificing our financial stability, happiness, security, and joy. This might look like having a budget, doing a name swap (to buy for one person instead of everyone), or just focusing on the kids. And remember: in our most precious relationships, price tags never matter.
6. If you’re overwhelmed by hosting, ask for help:
Thanksgiving comes with a lot of pressure to be the Hostess with the Mostest, only to leave us exhausted, cranky, and dreading the next gathering. It doesn’t have to be this way.
How would the day feel different if you asked each person to bring something, or supplemented home cooking with some fabulous store-bought or pre-ordered sides? Or if you planned ahead of time to divide up some responsibilities [“I cook, you clean, how does that sound?”] It’s easy to create a free sign-up sheet and drop it in the group chat. And if not everyone can cook, that’s okay. Someone can sign up to set the table, wash dishes, make a playlist, or bring games. There are lots of ways for everyone to pitch in and make the whole day a true family affair.
7. Make intentional connections with others.
Spending time with others is one of the best ways to be proactive about holiday anxiety and depression. We all need social support and community, and that sense of connection can significantly lower feelings of anxiety or stress, thanks to oxytocin.
Oxytocin is a hormone that functions as a neurotransmitter, releasing chemicals that can boost our mood when we bond with others. Social interaction doesn’t have to be an all-day thing to have a big impact. Go to a friend’s house to check in, or invite someone over for tea. If you don’t live near family, plan a video call with someone you love, or volunteer at a soup kitchen or rescue mission. However you can, get with your friends, give out those hugs, and let people know they’re loved.
8. Remember your “Why” for staying mentally, physically, and spiritually well.
One of the best ways to maintain boundaries and stick to our routine is to remember why we do that work in the first place. Whether it’s for your kids, your grandkids, or your own peace of mind, keep your Whys front and center. Write down 5 reasons why you’re working to stay well and grounded, and put them where you’ll see them every day. It may be helpful to use images as a mental shortcut to connect with your purpose. These Anchor Images might be pictures of your loved ones, your pets, or yourself when you’re feeling your best. Connect with these Whys every morning and evening during the Thanksgiving season, and set yourself up for a more peaceful, joyful holiday.
Need extra support during the holidays? I offer a free consultation to anyone considering counseling, coaching, sound baths, or corporate training. Call or text (615)-390-9122 to set up your discovery call, or email sonya@synergyclinic.co.
